To all the single, strong, boss ladies of Seattle:
Why am I single?
Do you really want to know?
My intention in sharing my personal story is for you to gain some insight or perspective on whatever your current situation may be.
I've wanted a boyfriend and have felt like I'm ready for a relationship for about a year now.
I want it to be a growth partner, best friend and partner in crime all rolled into one.
For a while I was focused on "dating like a friend," aka hanging out with guys in groups that I was interested in so we could be sure to move slowly.
Well... this didn't really work out so well because all the guys disappeared.
I have had many guys ghost on me.
Then I realized I needed perhaps I needed help...
I told myself I'm not above getting advice so I bought two books on dating/finding love. Advice from men to women.
I learned that men love the chase and therefore because I'm quite forward - that I'm not valued because I'm "too easy to get."
There's no chase.
I'm not a challenge.
And I was frustrated because Seattle made me this way.
Because men don't ask women out here or even really talk to them or hit on them - I've become a huntress to some degree and it's made me bold and fearless... but apparently as much as men say they want women to ask them out... they really don't.
I wanted to take my findings to social media ... but then I realized I had no data.
Is Seattle really a dating waste land?
Maybe... or maybe not.
So I devised a 30 day dating experiment - one in which I would stop approaching men or asking them out or initiating conversations and I would sit back and see what would happen.
I was asked out only by guys that I met out dancing.
I had two guys actually ask me out to dinner - one never followed up - another one did and we went out and he paid (to my shock) - it was an okay date.
2/3s of the way into my experiment I broke the rules a few times by reaching out to a few guys I've been interested in and telling them I think they're cool but the ball is in their court.
This experiment has taught me I need to raise my standards.
I'm so sick of guys that just like text to text but never ask to make plans or anything.
Also, since I've got back from Guatemala - I've noticed an increase in men pursuing me ... but it only lasts the span of like one date and then they literally ghost.
It's so completely exhausting.
I need to get it through my head that if he's not making an effort = he's just not that into me.
A revelation came when I realized that I want to fall in love with someone who knows me, like really knows me, and loves all of me - the crazy parts and the sexy parts and the moody parts etc.
I asked myself - what am I craving the most out of a relationship?
Well, luckily, I connect deeply with most I meet and the conversations I've been having feed the most hungry parts of my soul.
I finally, finally realized that when it comes to love... I have to wait and trust and be patient.
There's nothing else I can do.
And it's hard with my biological clock ticking and society telling me in every tv show and movie that I need a boyfriend or a husband and everyone asking me why I don't have one all the time.
I just have to trust.
He'll come along when he comes along ... maybe that's in a month or ten years.
I don't know.
The fact is ... love finds you. You don't find love.
All I know is - I'm raising my standards for all my relationships.
And setting better boundaries.
And you should too.
My heart goes out to all the fabulous women of Seattle wondering why they can't get a damn date.
There's nothing wrong with you, my darlings.
Raise your standards, set better boundaries, and communicate your needs without a shred of regret.
YOU ARE WORTH IT.