I feel like I've been at war with myself.
I feel like I got into a time machine and went back to myself two years ago.
I've been critical, jealous, stressed, angry, anxious and unsatisfied.
It's upsetting to say the least, but when I step farther back to observe the situation, I realize that instead of just allowing myself to feel whatever it is that I'm feeling, instead I'm torturing myself by holding myself to the highest of standards.
When it comes down to it, I, myself, have been inflicting my own suffering.
You see, I'm in the business of telling others how best to take care of themselves, how to feel happy/alive/grateful/joyful, and what steps to take to unleash their full potential and live their highest quality of life.
Most of the time, I'm flying pretty high.
Walking around smiling at strangers and appreciating the beauty of this world and all the people in it. Genuinely excited for each day.
I'm always conducting experiments on myself constantly to try to identify what techniques and practices unlock more joy, more presence, more peace, more wonder, more awe, more love, etc.
And so to feel so not like myself it's caused a great deal of alarm and dare I say shame?
So what to do from here?
Tonight I remembered a concept I learned about a while ago called radical acceptance.
Aka feel whatever it is you're feeling with no judgment.
Don't try to change it.
Particularly if it's a negative emotion.
The thing we often forget is:
A) Negative emotions are a part of life and,
B) When negative emotions arise they often have a lot to tell us - but we never take the time to dig deeper.
What is the root of this negative emotion and why might I be feeling this way?
Can we still love ourselves even when we experience negative emotions?
Can we accept ourselves when we feel like an alien in our own body?
You don't need fixing.
You are perfect the way you are.
Maybe the only thing you're missing is a dose of radical acceptance.